HOW TO HANDLE CHEATING PARTNERS

1.  Decide if you want to re-establish trust. When a partner is unfaithful, it is a serious breach of trust. And it is something that may indicate that this person is not worthy or capable of a healthy relationship.Some key things to consider:

-Is your partner truly sorry?

-Did they voluntarily tell you, or did you find out from someone else?

-Has this sort of behavior happened before, or has he or she promised to not do it, and it has continued or gotten worse?

-Is this part of a larger picture of poor behavior towards you?

-Is your partner willing to take steps to mend the relationship

2.Understand the nature of your partner’s cheating. People cheat for many different reasons and it is not always about sex. Sometimes people cheat because they are seeking an emotional connection, trying to deal with a loss or crisis, or seeking an escape. This is not an excuse or reason for the behavior, however..Some common reasons why your partner cheats include:

-Attraction to a different person.

-A desire for attention, excitement, or novelty.

-A troubled marriage: poor communication, stress in the marriage, partners growing apart.

-If the person's parent was unfaithful (especially the same sex).

-The individual comes from culture or subculture that expects and tolerates infidelity.

-Mental illness or disorders. People who cheat are not mentally ill, but a mental illness such as bipolar disorder, depression, or even severe attention deficit disorder can all contribute to poor decision making.

3. Request that your partner cut off all communication with the third party. The third (or even fourth or fifth) party needs to be out of the picture for the relationship to survive. Boundaries were breached, and they need to be re-established in a way that protects the relationship. That means asking your partner to break all ties with the person. This severing may be difficult if the third party is a coworker or someone else that your partner sees on a daily basis.

-This may require a change in lifestyle, such as quitting a job, the softball team, or moving to a new town.

-If the relationship was of a very close family member (such as a sibling), this can be extremely awkward and difficult. Not only is your romantic relationship damaged, but close family relationships as well.

-If your partner is unwilling to cut off contact with the third party, it may be a sign that they are unwilling to stop cheating. In this case, you may not be able to repair the relationship.

-If the third party continues to pursue your partner despite being cut off, you and your partner may want to pursue a restraining order to keep this person away from you both.

4. Communicate with your partner when you are ready. Learning that your partner has had an affair is likely cause you to experience a high level of emotional distress. You may need some time before you can talk to your partner about what happened. It is important to discuss the affair in order to move forward in your relationship, but don’t feel like you have to discuss the affair with your partner right away. Take your time and talk about it when you feel ready.

-If your partner pressures you to talk, say something like, “I appreciate that you want to talk, but I am just too hurt right now to talk about what happened. Please show your love for me by giving me space and time.”

-It is OK to be very, very angry. You have every right to be hurt, angry, and otherwise furious. Expressing this is healthy, as it is not OK to be cheated on and your partner needs to know how his or her actions affect you. Not being honest and open about this means they do not have to face the reality of what has been done, and you may implode if you try to squelch these natural and normal feelings. If they try to avoid or blame you, this is a sign that they are not truly accepting responsibility. You can say something like, " I want to keep the focus on your behavior." 

5. Recognize physical boundaries for your possessions. Physical boundaries are often described as personal space. Personal space includes physical possessions such as your home, your bedroom, your belongings, your car, etc. It is well within your rights to establish boundaries with others about respect for your privacy and your possessions.

-It is a violation of physical boundaries to go through another person’s belongings without their permission. Even if you are concerned for their safety or suspect that there is a problem, the healthy and respectful route is to approach the person and speak to them. Make sure the other person knows that this has crossed a boundary and is not respectful behavior.

By: Olamide olatunji

Source: Wikihow