13 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU DISAPPOINT THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT

We often think about the times when people have disappointed us. I’m sure you can think of a few people who have let you down. Maybe it’s the friend who hasn’t caught up with you in ages even though you repeatedly reach out. Perhaps your partner seems to always do something knowing that it irritates you. People disappoint us often but what about when we disappoint others? All of us have disappointed people in some ways. Matter of fact, you might be disappointing someone right now and not even realizing it.

That’s how I’ve been feeling in some ways over the past year or so. I felt horrible when I realized the tone of my text messages were coming off badly and hurting a friend. I was really upset at myself when I kept repeating the same mistakes I was trying so badly to control. Disappointing someone is a horrible feeling and can make any of us feel like we’ve failed at being a good person. Sometimes you disappoint someone with one decision or it’s a series of actions over time that can lead to people feeling disappointed and upset with you.

Below are 13 ways to handle a situation where you have disappointed someone.

 1. Say you are sorry. Your first inclination may be to get angry, deny what is happening or give excuses. Excuses can range from, “I know I haven’t been in touch, I’ve been busy” or “You know I’m the type who gets angry easily. Deal with it.” These are all bad ways to handle disappointing someone. Sincerely apologize for what happened and how it has made them feel.

2. Accept the fact that you disappointed someone. When you disappoint someone, the pain can be horrible. You might feel like you are the worst person in the world. Disappointing someone can make you feel useless or like you will just always disappoint someone. Nothing can be further from the truth. Everyone disappoints someone else in some way. Disappointing someone isn’t a unique character trait to just you. All of us have behaviors that may hurt someone. That doesn’t mean that disappointing someone is okay or something you shouldn’t make an active effort to change. But it does mean that disappointing someone is normal. It happens and yes, it hurts. But that doesn’t mean you are a horrible person unworthy of friends, love or a family. It just means you aren’t perfect and you are prone to making mistakes just like anyone else.

3. Don’t run away. Disappointing someone can make you feel like running away is the best option. When I find out I’m disappointing someone, I want to run away and hide. I feel ashamed and like I’m a horrible friend, someone not worthy of being in that person’s life. This feeling can intensify if disappointing someone is a repetitive action. You keep disappointing your loved one, which makes you feel like there’s nothing you can do to change or fix the situation anymore. Don’t run away. Now is the time to work things out. If you care about this person, then that means you can make the steps to make things right.

4. Try seeing things from a different perspective. Often times when we disappoint someone we don’t realize that we actually did something wrong. For instance, if you have a long time habit of not being responsive to your friends, you may not realize that your actions can come across as non-caring to another. Let’s say a friend is disappointed at the fact that you didn’t reach out during a time when her loved one died. You may have cared, and had the intention of reaching out, but instead felt you should give this person space for several months. While you were giving your friend space, your friend was actually really hurt by the fact that you weren’t actively there for her during her time of need. She’s disappointed that you didn’t reach out. Even though you may have had no intention of upsetting a loved one, try to view the situation from a different angle. You may know your intentions but how does your behavior or actions come across to someone else?

5. Accept personal responsibility. In most situations, there are two sides of the story. Even if you don’t feel like you were at fault, there is likely something you did that wasn’t right or made the situation worse. You don’t have to accept blame for things that aren’t your fault, but do realize that you are accountable for some things that happened. For instance, maybe your friend is overreacting about the situation but perhaps your responses to the overreacting were negative and made the situation worse. Maybe your boss doesn’t notice when you do make an effort, but perhaps you need to emphasize how you contribute to the company during performance reviews. Taking personal responsibility will allow you to take steps to move forward.

6. Provide them with information on what happened. Misunderstandings can easily occur when you don’t explain where your head was at when you did something. Without an explanation of your behavior, people are left to fill in the blanks themselves. People may incorrectly interpret what happened. Even if the person isn’t happy with your explanation, giving them an explanation will allow you to know why you did something and allow them to have a better understanding of what’s happening.

7. Take steps to fix the situation. Your actions after you have disappointed someone are often far more important than disappointing someone in the first place. Taking steps to fix the action show that you want to improve, want to do better and are willing to improve yourself. Let’s say you were accepted by a graduate program, were given 100% funding, and you didn’t work hard during your semester. You went to classes, studied, did the bare minimum and performed adequately. Your adviser approaches you and says that he is disappointed with your performance as he has invested his funding into you and expected much better work from you. If you take steps to do better the next semester, you are showing that you can work hard and are a reliable person who is focused on making an impact in the graduate program.

8. Prioritize your relationships. Disappointments often happen because things that don’t matter as much are prioritized too highly, leaving you with little time to invest in the people and things that do matter. Bailing on your work responsibilities so that you can party more on the weekend may be a sign that your priorities aren’t straight. If your family is a top priority, then it makes sense that keeping strong ties with your friends will become less of a priority. Sure this may disappoint some of your friends, but you are investing energy and time into the people who matter to you the most. Focus on what matters in your life to avoid disappointing the people that matter to you.

9. Space may be necessary. A big mistake people make when disappointing someone, is not giving enough space when it is required. People often need time to process and move past their feelings of pain and anger. For instance, when someone really hurts me, sometimes being around that person too much can make me feel suffocated or irritable. Depending on what happened and your dynamic with that person, you may need to give space so that the person can process their feelings. To prevent any further disappointment, let the person know you are giving them space to work through their feelings. Only give space once you have vocalized you are doing so and have already apologized. If you give space without telling the person they may feel like you are ignoring or avoiding them.

10. Get help. One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make, is being too self-reliant. You don’t have all the answers to your life. Personally, I need help sometimes. Sometimes I need to go to a therapist to figure out my issues or rely on friends for support. There are some things that you CAN get through on your own. No help required. There are many things where you NEED other people to progress. When you find yourself repeating the same mistakes then it may be time for you to reach out to other people for help. Seek out a therapist, life coach, or ask your family and friends for help and guidance.

11. Be patient. Change takes a tremendous amount of time. Depending on how you disappoint someone, change may take days to years. Be honest with yourself and the person you disappointed that you are actively making changes and that hopefully they will see results over time.

12. Disappointments lead to learning. A disappoint is just another way that we learn from our mistakes. Use this situation to have a better understanding of what you could have done to make the situation easier or less negative. Disappointing someone can point to a number of other issues that are happening in your life as well. Take this experience as an indicator that you have plenty of things to learn and room for personal growth.

13. Live in the present. You disappointed someone and yes, that can really hurt. Try to focus on the present and remember this is another day. You have another day to make improvements in your life and improve the quality of your relationships. If a friend is disappointed in you, then live presently. Don’t rehash the issue and feel miserable about what did happen. Go out and make a great memory with your friend so that you can start the process of making things right again. If you’ve disappointed your boss and coworkers, don’t live in the past by focusing on the mistakes you made.. Be present. Work hard today, volunteer to help out, seek mentors so that you can learn. A great way to move forward is to be present and focus on what you can do today to make things better.

You will always disappoint someone. There are people in our lives that we will let down. Maybe your boss is disappointed at the presentation you came up. Perhaps your family is disappointed at the fact that you didn’t settle down, have children and have an amazing career just yet. When you live authentically and are true to your feelings, people will be disappointed. That’s okay. You have to decide when something is worth fighting for. Trying to make everyone not be disappointed with you is futile. However, when you get your priorities straight you can realize how to avoid disappointing people that are valuable to you.

Source:http://www.joyfulmeanings.com