5 Signs You're Trying Too Hard To Be Liked

Everyone wants to be liked. It’s normal. But sometimes, the desire to be held in high regard goes too far.

An excessive desire to be liked can stem from a lot of different issues. Perhaps you experience a little social anxiety and you worry that others are judging you harshly. So in an effort to reduce your anxiety you go a little overboard trying to be liked.

Or maybe you’re on the other end of the spectrum—you’ve got a hint of narcissism. Narcissists tend to want to be liked by others—especially those with a higher status—because it inflates their self-importance.

Of course, you might land somewhere in the middle. Maybe you learned to be a people-pleaser at a young age. Or, maybe you feel a little unsure of yourself and being liked gives your self-esteem a much needed boost.

No matter the root cause, it’s important to recognize when your desire to be liked is becoming self-destructive. Here are five signs that you’re trying too hard to be liked: 

1. You Always Say Yes

Whether your inability to decline a dinner invitation means you won’t have time to go to the gym, or your willingness to head another committee takes time away from your family, there are always repercussions. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else.

Tip: If saying yes to everything has become a habit, develop a new script. Start saying, “I’ll think about that and get back to you.” Then, take time to carefully consider your answer.

 2. You Straddle the Fence

Straddling the fence in an effort to avoid alienating people is dangerous. People want to know where you stand on issues and if you’re only willing to say what people want to hear, no one will take you seriously. You’ll struggle to make decisions and you’ll never stand out as a true leader.

Tip: Force yourself to give definitive answers. With practice, you’ll gain confidence in your ability to take a clear stance on key issues, even when it may be polarizing.

3. You Avoid Asking for Help

Although people-pleasers are often the first to help others, they’re usually the last ones to ask for help. But if you can’t ask for help when you need it, you’ll miss out on a lot of valuable opportunities. Delegating tasks, working as a team, and supporting one another’s efforts are key to healthy personal and professional relationships.

Tip: Ask for help at least once a day. Whether you ask someone to proofread an email, or you ask for assistance with a project, making small requests can help you see that others are usually happy to help. In fact, research shows asking people to do you a favor could actually cause them to like you even more.

4. You Struggle to Set Healthy Boundaries

When a co-worker monopolizes your time, or your mother-in-law meddles in your marriage, a lack of boundaries can wreak havoc on your life. Allowing other people to infringe on your time and space can lead you to grow resentful toward them.

Tip: Take back your power and refuse to allow others to take advantage of you. Recognize that you’re in complete control of you how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Commit to speaking up when you feel like others are infringing on your space.

5. You’re Not Being True to Your Values

It’s impossible to live in accordance to your own values when you’re simultaneously trying to please everyone else. Quite often, your values will be in direct conflict with the options placed in front of you. And when you choose to make the decisions that align with your values, other people won’t necessarily be happy.

Tip: Examine how you spend your time and energy and consider whether the most important things in your life are really getting the attention they deserve. If not, create goals that help you start behaving according to your values.

Source:https://www.forbes.com/