8 Positive Speaking Habits to Build Yourself Up
1. Hold yourself powerfully.
How you hold yourself physically—your posture, your facial expression, the space you take up—profoundly, yet subtly, shapes how you feel emotionally and how the words come out of your mouth. So first up, stand (or sit) tall, shoulders back, a light smile on your face and plenty of eye contact with people around you. That will amplify your presence, and it will ensure that the words you say come out in a way that will have optimal impact on who hears them.
2. Reframe forward.
Instead of expressing yourself in terms of what you cannot do, reframe your language in ways that express forward movement. In other words, instead of “I can’t, I don’t, I won’t, I want, I need,” say, “I can, I am, I will, I choose, I have, I love, I create, I enjoy.”
3. Avoid absolutes.
Instead of “They are complete idiots,” say, “They see things differently from me. I wonder what they see that I don’t.” Instead of “No one around here ever listens to a word I say,” try, “Some people don’t seem to listen to me. I wonder how I can speak in ways that make others want to pay more attention.”
4. Don’t apologize for your opinion.
Many people, particularly women, will preface their opinion with an apology or something else that minimizes the chances of ruffling feathers. If that’s you, stop. You don’t have to apologize for having an opinion. Just express it respectfully.
5. Shelve the “shoulds.”
The word “should” sounds harmless enough. However, as I wrote in my most recent book Make Your Mark, what often lies beneath it are unconscious and unhelpful social expectations, biases and rules. So rather than use the word “should,” which carries a judgment of better/worse, use the word “could” and insert an alternative option that aligns with your personal desires. For instance, instead of saying “I should have everyone over for 4th of July,” say, “I could invite everyone here, or we could go out instead.”
6. Express commitment. (Stop “trying”!)
I recently called my daughter Maddy to get her new voicemail message: “Please leave a message, and I’ll try to get back to you as soon as I can.” I left her a message: “Update your recording, honey, and remove the word ‘try.’” Saying you’ll try to do something provides an excuse for not doing it. So don’t try. Do.
7. Limit the labels.
Labels create a subconscious mental boundary that confines you. Labeling yourself as “lazy” or “disorganized” or “pathetic with money” or a “terrible networker” keeps you from being anything but that and only reinforces an undesired state. Just because you’ve been lazy and disorganized doesn’t mean you can’t choose to be different. Far better to say, “I’ve not been very proactive about this, but I will be,” or “I’ve never prioritized getting organized, but I’ve now decided to start managing my time better.”
8. Rephrase problems as opportunities.
We all have “problems”—what differentiates the most successful people is how they approach them. Got a bad boss? What a wonderful opportunity to develop your ability to manage up. Got a lot on your plate? What a great opportunity to improve your ability to delegate, prioritize and develop efficiency. When you change the way you describe your “problems,” it opens up whole new avenues for dealing with them. Instead of “This is a nightmare,” say, “This is an interesting challenge,” and you will more easily approach it as such.
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