RECOVERING FROM RAPE AND SEXUAL TRAUMA

Yes I know recovering from sexual assault takes time and the healing process can be so painful but you can regain your sense of control, rebuild your self-worth and learn to heal. Sexual violence is shockingly common in our society, regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering leaving you so scared, ashamed, alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks and other unpleasant memories. The world doesn't feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others, at a point you don't even trust yourself. You may question your self-worth, judgement and even your sanity. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe you are dirty. Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible while some rape survivors become hyper-sexual or promiscuous. Do you know that rape recovery is possible? Recovering from rape takes time and effort, yes but you cannot only survive the rape but continue to thrive afterward. If you have been unfortunate enough to experience rape or any assault, then you are not alone and you should know that rape is not the end of your wellness, it is not the end of your sex life or is it the end of any part of you. According to some research works and my past experience, these are things you should always have in mind as a survivor:

 1. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT: It is in no way your fault that you were raped because you didn't take the decision or a choice that in any way faults you for what someone else violently and illegally did to you.

 2. THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE: Don't bother yourself with questions like "what if I never attended the party", "what if I had dressed more decent", "what if I never went to his place", "what if I didn't allow myself get drunk" or any other question that starts with the diabolical words "WHAT and IF". Don't do that to yourself, there is nothing you could have done because your rape is not your doing. You didn't do it to yourself neither did you stage it.

 3. YOU DON'T DESERVE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU: No one deserves to be sexually assaulted or raped. No one deserves to be ignored. No one deserves to be devalued. No one deserves to have the ability to control their body forcefully taken away from them. No one deserves to be robbed of their body. You need to understand that all of these happened to you when you were raped and no one deserves that. 

 4. REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU WERE DRESSING: You need to remind your self that how much you were drinking alcohol either moderately or in great excess does not give anyone the right to rape you.

 5. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU WERE WEARING: Wearing a long or short skirt or a crop top or whatever our society has deemed "provocative" does not give any one the right to rape you.

 6. YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY SILENT: You don't have to hide what happened to you. You don't have to pretend it never happened to you. You don't have to keep your feelings,your fears, your pain and the countless emotions you may or may not be feeling in the wake of sexual assault, bottled inside. You have a voice and it is worthy and valued. You have to talk to someone about it, so you can stop feeling vulnerable.

 7. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MAKING OTHER PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE: Speaking openly about sexual assault makes people uncomfortable. Yes, but that's not your problem, if you choose and feel comfortable talking about your sexual assault, know that you are not responsible about for how someone else may or may not feel because of it. Do not worry about someone being able to "look at you" the same way or feeling sad for you, that is out of your control. Initially, I was afraid of speaking about my sexual assault, especially to friends and family because I didn't want them to feel sad but later I realized that I was only further traumatizing myself by avoiding necessary conversations.

 8. You'll have difficult days, yes you can not run away from that. There are days you"ll remember it and you will feel like it is happening all over again but you shouldn't feel guilty because if you do, irrational thoughts will come to your mind and you will end up doing something you or your family will end up regretting. Just like myself, whenever I remember the ugly incident I get angry, aggressive, suicidal thoughts come to my mind and most of the time I just have to take some sleeping pills (not overdose) to calm my nerves but you just have to remind yourself that you need to take charge of your life. You have to place value on yourself. Tell yourself that you are strong, a lioness and you have to start behaving like one. Don't ever allow anyone intimidate or humiliate you because you are a victim of rape. You didn't choose it, no human in his/her right frame of mind will be happy after being raped. The quicker you get over it, the better for you because if you don't people will take advantage of you and your situation, that should be a challenge for you to take charge of your life. MOVE ON! See life in another direction. RAPE SHOULD NOT BE THE END OF YOUR LIFE, FACE IT AND LIVE ABOVE IT!!

By: Ibukunola Awosanya

IG: awosanyaibukunola  Facebook: Awosanya Oreoluuwa