PRIVACY AND SECRECY: THE DIFFERENCE

Privacy is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves or information about themselves, and thereby express themselves selectively.When something is private to a person, it usually means that something is inherently special or sensitive to them.

Secrecy is the practice of hiding information from certain individuals or groups who do not have the "need to know", perhaps while sharing it with other individuals. That which is kept hidden is known as the secret. Secrecy is often controversial, depending on the content or nature of the secret, the group or people keeping the secret, and the motivation for secrecy.

Everyone needs privacy

Just as humans need social interaction to stay happy and healthy, we also need a certain degree of privacy to function well in society.   

In our society, we often confuse the two concepts, and society itself gives mixed messages about privacy and secrecy. A rule of thumb to distinguish the two is to ask: is this fact about me important in this relationship at this time? Consider this example: you are about to inherit 1 million naira. This is a personal fact that you may or may not wish to disclose to everyone. If you are simply friends with someone, you may wish to consider the issue private. It would be reasonable either to keep this information to yourself or to disclose it, depending on your reading of the friendship and whether you hope to deepen the relationship by disclosing something personal.

However, let’s say you owe that friend 500,000naira. Your inheritance is now highly relevant to the relationship. Keeping your newfound wealth private turns it into a secret that has potential implications within the relationship itself. Important information kept secret in a relationship is not only stressful to maintain but usually damaging in various ways. All secrets involve private information but what makes them secrets is that the withheld personal information is important to actions in the relationship. We all have the option to keep information about our financial status private. Keeping it private from some people or in some situations does not automatically mean we are keeping it secret. Healthy privacy is good—just think of anyone you know who seems to have no sense of privacy about personal matters. 

Secrets are motivated by fear and shame 

Whereas privacy feels like a choice, people who have secrets often feel compelled by fear or shame to keep them hidden. "When you keep something secret, it's because of fear." Perhaps you're afraid someone won't like you or that they'll shame you. Or maybe you think revealing a secret will have serious consequences, like you might get fired or a relationship might end."to make problems worse."Secrets lead to more fear and shame and the longer people hide them, the more difficult it is to reveal them. People often keep secrets to protect themselves, Many believe that if their secrets were revealed, they would be exposed and people would leave,"The word we use is 'compartmentalized' — one part of their life is over here and one part is over there, and they don't meet."

Opening up  

So, should you share a secret with someone? 

-If the person would be angry or feel betrayed having discovered the information from some other source, go and share it with them.

-That secret is damaging your ability to relate and to connect. 

However, I advise you to use caution and not rush out to tell your secrets.

-Seek guidance from a professional first — a lawyer, therapist, accountant, or whoever," he said. "I don't think if you have a secret you're in a position to do it by yourself."  

-If you decide to open up, be prepared for a long road ahead, . Once trust is broken due to the keeping of secrets, it's not easily rebuilt. It can be repaired with reliable, honest behavior over time "If you can do that, you demonstrate to me that you want to restore my trust.''

By: Oluwapelumi Atanseiye (@pearlumie_)

cc: wikipedia