OVERCOMING EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY

Emotional dependency is when a person believes they need another person to survive, to be happy or to feel complete. Love is easily confused with emotional dependency because they usually come with intense feeling being around another person. Though emotional dependence stems from a lack of self-esteem, it is also a self-esteem destroyer of its own, undermining our confidence subtly and over time. When we become too dependent emotionally on our spouse or partner, we run the risk of losing the person we love and losing ourselves. We shouldn't allow our happiness to rely too much on another person; it can have some dangerous consequences for our peace of mind and well being. Having a certain amount of emotional dependency on our partners is normal, but when our happiness comes to rely on them, it becomes unbalanced and unhealthy. Here are some signs of emotional dependency:

 1. You Can't Spend Time Away From Them: Spending quality time with your partner is essential in a healthy relationship, but not being able to spend any time away from each other is a red flag. As much as spending time with your partner is great, don't let it become something that you get dependent on. You both need to spend some time away from each other, to spend quality time alone or with your family and friends. 

2. Your Relationship With Your Family And Friends Start To Suffer: Talking about spending time with your family and friends, make sure that you don't neglect them. You shouldn’t allow spending time with your partner put an end to your cordial relationship with your family and friends. Never allow your romantic relationships damage your existing ones. You need to make sure that you always have time for your family, friends and loved ones.

 3. Your Professional Life Starts To Suffer: Make sure that you always keep your professional life in check, whether it is work or school. A committed relationship shouldn't stop you from dedicating time to your professional life.

 4. You Can't Imagine A Future For Yourself Without Your Partner: A healthy relationship should help you to achieve your goals faster. Your partner should motivate you to do better, not to keep you from achieving all the things you once wanted.

 5. You Feel Like Your Relationship Is On Borrowed Time: This is one of the biggest signs that you've built an emotional dependency on your partner. Be honest and open with your partner and try to understand each other's perspectives. That way, you will make the best decision going forward and you will thank yourself for it later. 

6. You Easily Get Irritated When Things Go Wrong: You need to learn how to find peace within yourself before you can have peaceful relationship.

 Going through this article so far, do you think you are emotional dependent in your relationship and thought of how to stop is bothering you? Then read through the following tips on how to stop being emotional dependent. 

1. Learn To Take Care Of Yourself: Emotional dependency begins when we don't know how to be there for ourselves emotionally. If you really want to stop being emotionally dependent, then you need to start showing up for yourself.

 2. Embrace Solitude: It is healthy to spend time alone, whether you are self-reflecting or simply taking in a favorite activity. Spending time in solitude is not self-indulging. During the period of solitude, teach yourself that you can find joy, peace and comfort on your own.

 3. Make A list Of Your Strengths: Identify the things you know you are good at, no matter how little they may be. Making a list of your strengths is a great way to become more emotionally independent because you start to see what you have to offer independent of any relationship. 

4. Look At The People In Your Life: Start to observe the people in your life in order to shed emotional dependency. Look into the things you admire about them and turn the mirror toward you and see how you have very similar traits. Remember that those people won't be in your life if you didn't have admirable strengths. 

5. Know Your Worth: In order to be emotionally independent, you need to have self-assurance, which will allow you to acknowledge your worth.

 6. Recognize Patterns So You Can Break Them: According to a dating coach Claire Barber "Emotional dependency is often the result of previous experiences and relationships that we have once had". You need to trace it back to the source, where did you first learn to behave the way you do in your relationships, then think of the small steps you can take to break from your patterns. 

7. When Negative Chatter Comes Up, Don't Worry About Eliminating It: If you feel that you are craving emotional dependency and validation, that's okay. Don't let negative chatter discourage you from your path to being more independent, instead of trying to eliminate the negative self-talk, just pair it with a neutral or positive thought-one that is realistic. 

 By: Ibukunola Awosanya

 Facebook: Awosanya Oreoluwa Ig: @awosanyaoreoluwa