7 Smart Reasons You Should Talk Less and Listen More
How much talking do you do on an average day, and how much listening? I mean real listening,
where you focus on what the other person is saying and take it in,
instead of planning the brilliant thing you'll say the moment the other
person finishes speaking?
If you're like most of us,
the answer is: Not enough. Most people tend to treat conversation like a
competitive sport, in which the person who says the most, makes the
cleverest point, persuades others of an opinion, or even speaks the
longest and loudest is the winner. All of us fall into this trap. All of
us find ourselves interrupting, speechifying, insisting, and coming up
with witticisms--all to support our point of view or display our
superior knowledge.
If
you stop and think about it, though, this approach is the opposite of
the one we should take. In most conversations, the person who speaks
least benefits most and the person who speaks most benefits least.
Here's why:
1. Knowledge is power.
In fact, in our information-driven world, how much you know makes more difference to your long-term success
than how much money you have or almost anything else. A person who's
talking is giving away information--often more than he or she intended. A
person who's listening is receiving information. Who gets the best
deal in that exchange?
2. You won't reveal anything you'll later regret.
If
you don't share a piece of information today, you can always share it
tomorrow. Conversely, if you do share a piece of information today, you
can never take it back again.
How many times have you
revealed something and then later wished that you hadn't? Or expressed a
thought you might better have kept to yourself? We've all had these
experiences one time or another. The less you say, the smaller the
chances you'll share information and later wish you hadn't.
3. You won't say anything dumb.
Abraham
Lincoln said, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to
speak out and remove all doubt." I'm not suggesting you remain silent
all the time. But it's all too easy to speak thoughtlessly, with
insufficient information, or out of a wrong assumption. That can make
you look less intelligent than you are, and you will minimize the
chances of it happening if you listen more than you speak.
4. You won't use up your material.
Have
you ever tuned in to an interview or attended a webinar by your
favorite business guru, only to hear that guru tell the audience a story
that you've already read in his or her latest book? It happens all the
time, and for a simple reason: Most of us have a limited supply of
interesting personal anecdotes, experiences, and pearls of wisdom.
Inevitably, we wind up using the same ones over and over.
5. The person who's doing the talking will feel understood and cared about.
Most
people go through life wishing to be listened to more. So by listening
rather than talking, you are giving something valuable to the person
who's speaking. Especially if you really are taking in what that person
is saying and not thinking about something else. The speaker will
appreciate that gift and you will have created a bond. He or she will
feel understood and validated. It's a powerful relationship-building tool, and an especially powerful sales tool.
6. You may gain inside information.
As
someone who's done thousands of interviews, I can attest to the power
of saying nothing. I sometimes use it by accident, when a source
finishes answering a question and I'm caught off-guard for a moment or
two before coming up with my next question. Very often, the other person
will jump in to fill the silence with further information--sometimes
something he or she had not planned to share.
You may
or may not want to use this manipulative tactic on purpose. But it's
almost always true that the less you say, the more information the
person you're speaking with will share.
7. When you do speak, people will listen.
Who
do you listen to more closely--someone who never shuts up, or someone
who only speaks once in a while? As with anything else, the law of
supply and demand holds true: If you constantly share your opinions, no
one will seek them out. If you only say what you're thinking on
occasion, or only make a point one time instead of over and over, your
words are likely to have more weight.
source: www.inc.com
source: www.inc.com
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