When to Stay Silent and When to Speak
Last week, when your boss asked you for your view on a matter, you
said you had none. But inside you were brimming with opinions. Now he’s
decided to go with your co-worker’s idea, and you wished you had told
him yours.
Yesterday, your neighbor vented her frustration to you about her
teenage son staying out late at nights. You ran into her son that same
night and scolded him, revealing what his mother told you. Now she’s
pissed at you for intervening, and you wish you had stayed silent.
It can be tough to know when to speak. Self-awareness, perceptiveness and empathy are the keys to making the right decision.
Stay Silent When:
You have nothing to say. Sometimes, people speak
just because there’s silence. This induces mindless chatter. If you’re
talking solely because it’s quiet, you really have nothing to say. Don’t
assume something is wrong because someone isn’t talking, as they may
simply not have anything to say. Speak deliberately; this is the key to
attaining honesty and focus.
You need time to solidify your reaction. In
emotionally-charged situations, such as debates or arguments with a
spouse or friend, there’s always the risk of you responding in a hurtful
or aggressive manner. To gain perspective on an issue, you might need
to step back and observe. This allows you to listen to your intuition
and logically decipher what’s really going on.
It’s better left unsaid. Avoid revealing irrelevant
thoughts and feelings. For example, there’s no need to tell your uncle
that you think his wife is unattractive and he could do better. This
rule also applies when someone entrusts you with private information. If
you reveal what someone has told you in confidence, they’ll have a hard
time trusting you again.
You don’t have a receptive listener. There’s no use
talking if the other person isn’t listening to you, because the message
you’re trying to convey will not be heard.
Speak When:
You want to let your feelings known. To keep the
peace, some people bottle up emotions that should be expressed. For
example, if your spouse made a tactless comment about your cooking,
bring it to their attention instead of stewing silently in resentment.
Doing otherwise can cause your pent-up feelings to transform into a
sudden burst of rage when you least expect them to.
You have the power to change something. If your
words can alter a situation for the better, you should present them. For
example, if your brother is wallowing in self-pity because he lost his
job, you might humor him or show him the brighter side of life to lift
him out of his depression.
A golden opportunity comes knocking. Missed
opportunities are upsetting, even more so when one word from you could
have prevented them. For instance, you were shy about approaching that
guy or girl you had been crushing on for the longest time. Now they’re
no longer an option because you took too long to make a move. When an
opportunity presents itself, seize it by speaking up.
Your opinion is requested. Everyone has an opinion. If someone asks for yours, don’t be timid; deliver it truthfully and with diplomacy.
source: www.pickthebrain.com
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