SITUATIONSHIP

A situationship is a romantic relationship that's undefined or uncommitted. It may be based on convenience or short-term circumstances. That doesn't mean a situationship can't have some or even all the trappings of a regular relationship, including an emotional connection.Most situationships involve some form of physical intimacy, but they’re generally more than a casual sexual encounter. Unlike friends with benefits, where both parties agree to avoid developing feelings, the boundaries of a situationship are usually less clear. One or both partners might be waiting to see if the relationship becomes more serious over time. Not everyone agrees on what defines a situationship, but the following are just a few signs that you might be in one: - You haven’t defined the relationship. You might be in a situationship if you haven’t put a label on your relationship. Perhaps you’re just hanging out or taking things slow. Maybe it’s too soon to have a talk about where you’re headed, or one person isn’t ready to commit to a relationship. - You only make last-minute or short-term plans. People in situationships tend to make plans on a daily — or even hourly — basis. If you find it difficult to make plans for next week, it might be a situationship. - There’s a lack of consistency. With a relationship, meeting frequency is more regular and tends to increase over time. On the other hand, people in a situationship may meet sporadically. Perhaps you see the person once a week for several weeks, and then suddenly don’t hear from them for 3 weeks. - You don’t feel emotionally connected. Some people describe situationships as superficial. Perhaps you know the basics about the other person’s life, such as their favorite food or trips they’ve taken. But you haven’t really opened up to each other about the deeper stuff, and you don’t rely on each other for emotional support. - They might be seeing other people. Perhaps they’ve hinted at a busy dating life with euphemisms like not being ready to settle down or keeping their options open. In a situationship, you might not know for sure because you haven’t talked about being exclusive. - They haven’t introduced you to their friends or family. Do you tend to hang out one on one more often than not? If they haven’t made an effort to include you in their plans beyond dates or booty calls, it might be a situationship. - You feel confused. For some people, the early stages of dating are an exciting time. Others associate situationships with confusion and anxiety. A lack of clear direction can be a source of stress, especially if you have feelings for the other person. - You don’t think you have a future. Perhaps you feel lukewarm about the other person, or you’re not really sure you even want to be in a committed relationship with them. If you don’t really see yourself with the person in the long-term, it’s likely a situationship. How to avoid getting into a situationship These tips can help you work towards not being in a situationship: 1. Decide on what kind of relationship you want: Understand what your values are and try not to change for anything or anyone. Think of the kind of relationship you want. Do you want a long term relationship with the potential of marriage or you just want to have fun? Once you have figured out what you want, avoid situations where you will have a blurry vision of what your future with your partner looks like. 2. Ask yourself what kind of qualities you are looking for in a partner, what values you want them to have and what expectations you have for the relationship. If the person you are with does not meet the threshold for the things you want, it is prudent that you move on. This is a sure way to avoid getting into a potentially heartbreaking situation. 3. Understand and know your worth: Work on your inner self first and understand that you are worth more than what the guy out to use you sees in you. Constantly remind yourself how far you have come. Avoid men who will try to make you feel or look vulnerable in their bid to bed you. If you do not believe that you are deserving of love and being treated like the queen you are, no one will see you for what you really are. You will always land messy guys who have no intentions of getting serious with you. 4. Sit down and reflect on the kind of partners you like and tend to go for, look for the things they have in common and look at how they treat you. Once you have figured out your dating patterns, you can change everything your dating life. Adjust the kind of partners you choose and avoid dates that will make you end up in the very situations you are trying to avoid. 5. Remind yourself what you need: In order to reassure yourself of what your needs are, you can write them and put them up somewhere and recite them to yourself every morning. Do what it takes to make yourself comfortable and do not compromise and put your needs aside for someone else who wouldn't do the same for you. 6. Speak up about your needs: While in the early stages of dating, when you are both getting to know each other, make sure you speak up about your needs. Be honest about what you are looking for, and ask them what they are looking for as well to avoid having a conflict of interest in future. Your-to-be partner has to be on the same page with you or things will not go as you imagined they will. 7. Don’t hesitate to move on if your needs cannot be met: If the person you have intentions of being with cannot take care of your needs, and honor them, then consider moving on. Find someone who can accommodate your needs without making you feel like you are demanding too much. Do not stick around with the assumption that with time he will change. It hardly happens and before you know it, you will be tangled up in a situationship. By: Oluwapelumi Atanseiye @pearlumie_ cc: google