TOXIC PEOPLE (ENERGY VAMPIRES)

Chances are high you’ve encountered a toxic person in your life. You may have even realized this “friend” or family member was no good, but it can often be hard to distinguish between feelings of love and friendship and feelings of guilt and manipulation. Toxic people are really good at purposefully confusing us. In order to detoxify our lives, we first need to be able to understand and spot a toxic person. They look like everyone else, talk like everyone else, and can even be disguised as your best friend, family member, or partner. “Toxic people are master manipulators, skilled liars, and great actors,” says Shannon Thomas, therapist, and general badass survivor, LCSW . “They can be hiding everywhere.” One way to tell you have a toxic person in your life: Every time you encounter or hang out with them, you feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative. There’s always something with this person. Irwin describes a toxic person as anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than up. “You may begin to feel dependent on him or her for their opinion, doubting your own,” she says. “Toxic people are draining and leave you emotionally wiped out,” Thomas says. “They want you to feel sorry for them and responsible for all their problems and then fix these problems too.” It’s not that the whole person is toxic. Rather, their behavior is toxic or your relationship with the person is toxic, said Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia. “Often the person is deeply wounded and for whatever reason, they are not yet able to take responsibility for their wounding, their feelings, their needs and their subsequent problems in life.” They may overidentify and act out the parts of who they are, such as the victim, bully, perfectionist or martyr, she said. “They act from these parts trying to get their needs met, albeit in an extremely unhealthy way.” Here are the 7 types of toxic people to watch out for: - The Conversational Narcissist: Have you ever been talking to someone who keeps interrupting you? or have you ever been trying to talk to someone who won’t let you get a word in? Conversational narcissists LOVE to talk about themselves or just hear themselves talk. They don’t ask you any questions, they don’t wait for your responses, and they won’t shut up. In a relationship, these people will end up being completely self-centered, and will never be attentive to your needs. - The Strait Jacket: The straitjacket is someone who wants to control everything and everyone around them. They want to be in charge of what you do, what you say, and even what you think, they freak out when you disagree with them, and won’t stop trying to convince you that they are right and you should do what they say. In a relationship, this person will give you no breathing room and will constantly nag you until you are in complete alignment with them. Be careful, these people will go after your emotional, conversational, and mental freedom until you have nothing left. Get out while you can! - The Emotional Moocher: An emotional moocher is also known as a “spiritual vampire,” because they tend to suck the positivity out of you or bleed you emotionally dry. These are the people who always have something sad, negative, or pessimistic to say. In conversations and relationships, they can never see the positive, and tend to bring everyone down with them. If you’re with someone and they only have bad things to say whenever you see them, watch out; it might not get better. - The Drama Magnet: Some toxic people are magnets for drama. Something is always wrong. Always. And of course, once a problem is solved, another one emerges. And they only want your empathy, sympathy, and support–but not your advice! You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything. Instead, they complain and complain. In a relationship, drama magnets are victims and thrive in a crisis, because it makes them feel important. If someone is a beacon for adversity, watch out, you might one day become part of the drama. - The JJ: A JJ is a jealous-judgmental person. And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism, or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool, or lacking in some way. If someone starts to gossip jealously about other people, watch out, this might be a toxic person and you never know what they say about you behind your back. - The Fibber: Liars, fibbers, exaggerators; it’s exhausting to have a toxic deceiver in your life. Whether they tell little falsehoods or major lies, it’s impossible to trust a liar in a relationship. Dishonesty drains us because we are constantly doubting their words. If your intuition is ringing alarm bells, then watch out; get out before you’re lied to. - The Tank: A tank crushes everything in its wake. A human tank is always right, doesn’t take anyone else’s feelings or ideas into account, and constantly puts themselves first. In a relationship, tanks are incredibly arrogant and see their personal opinions as facts. This is because they often think they are the smartest person in the room, so they see every conversation and person as a challenge that must be won over. They rarely see others as equals—and this can be challenging when trying to form a loving connection. If you feel your ideas are being run over, or you are not being respected, get out while you still can! Some people can’t be pleased and some people won’t be good for you and many times that will have nothing to do with you. You can always say no to unnecessary crazy. Be confident and own your own faults, your quirks and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s approval but remember if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s probably because they need yours. You don’t always have to give it but if you do, don’t let the cost be too high. Take time to heal and get positive: Removing a toxic person from your life is only part of the battle, definitely a big part, but you’ll also have to give yourself time to heal. Even though a sizable weight will be lifted off your shoulders, a lot of damage has been done emotionally (and sometimes physically) in these relationships. Ultimately, it is the right decision to end your relationship with this person, but that doesn’t make it easy and it can be a process. “It’s all about healing in stages and realizing it will not happen all at once,” Thomas says. “It’s important to take it day by day, celebrate the little victories, and have patience as you overcome the minor setbacks. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who love you and are on your side.” And remember to be generous—to you. “Forgive yourself for being taken in by a skilled manipulator,” Irwin says. “Learn from that experience and listen to your heart to make your own choices going forward.” And if you need a little help? That’s perfectly OK. Be proud of yourself and all the steps you’ve taken to make your life better. To deal with Toxic people, you need to: - Acknowledge the fact that you can't change them - Maintain your personal boundaries. - Learn to let go by keeping your distance - Counter the negative with the positive. - Recharge from the negative influence with some self-care activities. For them to be effective, you must be mindful of the moments when you need to apply them. Try them for the next few weeks, and see how it goes with the quality of your health and well-being. Remember that no matter how much you love them, toxic people can only change if they want to. You can only offer them kindness and support. In the process, you must remember not to lose yourself to their demands or their negative influence. Stand your ground. You must constantly work on developing habits that increase your overall positivity. This way, you can better cope when you’re around negative people who drain your energy because you will have a lot of positivity in your reserves. You deserve to have wonderful, supportive and loving people in your life. In fact, life is too short to spend time with people who don’t help you be your best self, use this as your immunization against toxic people! By: Sydiqah Uthman @rebirth_2003